Draft Bill for Equality

WHEREAS the Declaration of Independence clearly states that "all men are created equal," and 

WHEREAS we clearly understand that statement to refer to all people without needing to mince words about its political correctness; and

WHEREAS we certainly believe that all are indeed equal and consequently deserving of equal opportunities in the area of education and elsewhere; and

WHEREAS equal obviously means the same; and

WHEREAS it is entirely unfair to ignore the needs of equality by allowing some to be superior to others or to permit the emotional trauma caused by feelings of inferiority; and

WHEREAS no one's equality to another should be threatened by pretended superiority in terms of greater knowledge or advanced learning or greater competency or any other area of higher status caused by greater exertion of effort or natural merit; now

THEREFORE, the government of the United States of America hereby takes into its jurisdiction the proper distribution of justice by ensuring the equality of each citizen of this nation.  By these rights, the government shall permit none to rise above the bar of equality set for the lowest possible denominator that all may be equal and none may be made to feel inferior by the speech or position of another, including, but not limited to, the following areas:

1. Education: no person shall know more of any subject than any other person.  No advanced degrees shall be permissible.

2. Speech: no person shall use advanced grammar or quote distinguished writers or other languages or speak in any other language but the simplest English.  Slang is permissible only if it be widespread and suitable for all persons.

3. Argument: no person shall apply logical principles to the argument of another nor argue to deconstruct another's argument lest the other be proved less by losing the argument and therefore becoming subject to feelings of inferiority.

FURTHERMORE, anyone who fails to meet the bar of equality by selfishly rising above it must seek to give restitution by regressing immediately or be subject to fine or imprisonment according to the severity and number of offenses.